


Maid Wars

by angioponder, thinking_toes



Category: VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Butlers, Cafe Owner Cha Hakyeon | N, Cafe Owner Jung Taekwoon | Leo, Chefs, Crack, Crossdressing, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Food, Friendship/Love, Gen, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk is a Little Shit, Happy Ending, Humor, Jeon Jungkook is a Little Shit, Kawaii, Kim Taehyung | V Is a Sweetheart, Lee Hongbin is So Done, Light-Hearted, M/M, Maid Cafe, Maids, Min Yoongi | Suga is So Done, Misunderstandings, Park Jimin (BTS) Is a Sweetheart, Platonic Relationships, Restaurants, Sailor Moon Kim Namjoon | RM, Teasing, Tsundere, maid wars au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-01-25 19:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18580678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angioponder/pseuds/angioponder, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinking_toes/pseuds/thinking_toes
Summary: In life, desperate times call for desperate measures. And that is exactly how Kim Taehyung, unemployed college student extraordinaire, meets Cha Hakyeon and Jung Taekwoon—proud owners of two very different kinds of coffee shops engaged in a friendly rivalry. Naturally, things go to shit as misunderstandings lead to glares, and cupcakes lead to scares. As the adorable staff members of the Little Kawaii Service Cafe come head to head with the tsundere boys of the What is Service Cafe, friendships will be strained. Wigs will be snatched. Frosting will be whipped (like the boys), and there is nothing Hakyeon or Taekwoon can do to stop them even if they wanted to (they don’t).MAID WARS! What is it good for? Everybody say: fanfic content!*alternatively: All we wanted was a tsundere maid cafe AU. Now we have this. rip.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> so this has been two years in the making. we were just talking in the kitchen about this shit and it was so entertaining that we decided to take notes and... welp here we are. this was a JOURNEY. we hope you enjoy reading this multi-fandom kpop fic as much as we enjoyed building this world. happy reading~
> 
> ps. super special thanks to [eri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eri_md/pseuds/eri_md) for being our long suffering beta and for putting up with all our constant postponing. we love and appreciate you lots<3;;

There was a town not too far off that bustled with the busyness of a city, but not quite enough to overwhelm it. Its people went to work day in and day out for roughly eight hours, five or six days a week, but they had something unique in this little town that some suspect kept them happy and content. When people grew tired, some went to the comforts of their own home, some went to places where alcohol could untwist their nerves, and some, some went to two wonderful establishments in particular. Now, not everyone benefited from these gems. Not everyone believed these _were_ gems, but for those who did, they would enter and leave with laughter in their lungs, satisfied stomachs, lighter shoulders, and fuller hearts.

It all began with two very good friends (only one of them openly expressed their friendship as such) who pursued their degrees in economics through a nearby university. The two of them aspired to have their own business, to fulfill their dreams of being the owners of the most well known, and well-respected establishments in their district. After toiling for their qualifications to be given to them on a piece of thicker paper, they graduated with flying colors, had diplomas their parents could be proud of, and lots and lots of money to return. They had to get to work fast.

Very good friends as they were (again, only one of them openly expressing so), they decided to rent spaces right across the street from each other. Both immediately knew what they wanted to pursue and tried to establish themselves in the way they dreamed of, but only Hakyeon became very successful. Taekwoon on the other hand wasn’t exactly failing, but he wasn’t making it either. For weeks he tried to keep it to himself and just push through, hoping that his hard work and his pride would pay off, but weeks turned into two months and, frankly, his ego couldn’t pay the bills.

 

* * *

 

 

Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon’s success across the street and tried to remember all the pros of asking for advice from this person he was alright with tolerating. For years, he tolerated all his blinding smiles and grabby limbs without sacrificing his own dignity too much. That should be a good sign. Also, his store was closed today and Hakyeon’s wasn’t. It all worked out like some huge coincidence. He made his decision with a long, heavy sigh, gathered up all the courage he could find in his body, and braced himself as he walked out of his place, onto the street, and into Hakyeon’s.

It was still fairly early in the day. Taekwoon couldn’t see many employees, but he surely saw Hakyeon from the outside of the store busy with the register, dressed immaculately in a floral suit over a white button down, pressed black slacks and black bow-tie. His purple hair was styled very prim and proper with a bit of forehead showing. A thought had Taekwoon hesitating, but he shook it away. He did walk all this way here after all. With one final shred of mental determination, he pushed open the obnoxiously decorated door, giving away his arrival to its occupants with the tinkling of a bell.

“Is that my Taekwoonie!? You finally paid me a visit!” Hakyeon exclaimed when he realized who entered. “I knew you had it in your grumpy self to miss me.”

“I _don’t_ miss you,” Taekwoon grumbled lowly, receiving the already blinding smiles and the already grabby limbs.

“Still the same as ever, but I know you love me anyway.” Hakyeon wasn’t deterred at all, escorting him enthusiastically to a lime green colored table with fluffy stuffed animals on it. Taekwoon huffed, his neck getting warmer by the minute. “Here, have a seat and let me order something for you, on the house. I’m sure you’ll like it!”

With nothing else to do but wait, Taekwoon looked around and decided that he found the decor atrocious. Whose idea was it to display all these unnecessary accessories? It’s like some unicorn pranced it’s way in and puked all over the walls. Was that a cat clock with a swishy tail?

Hakyeon was back in no time bringing a mug with a ridiculous amount of froth bouncing up and down in time with his strides. As soon as it was set down in front of Taekwoon, it was spun around and he found himself being greeted by a smiling foamy kitty. Taekwoon looked mortified and didn’t look at all like he wanted to touch it. Hakyeon laughed heartily, clearly amused by his reaction.

“I didn’t know you would like it that much without even tasting it yet.” The feeling of knowing someone so well tasted so sweet. “Don’t worry. You can have this every time you visit. You’ll see the kitty again. Go ahead.”

Taekwoon couldn’t manage to glare at Hakyeon while staring at the softly wobbling mound of foam. He reached out slowly and brought it to his lips, taking a tentative sip. After a few beats, he widened his eyes and made a noise from the back of his throat. It tasted of lavender and vanilla. A latte. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He hastily threw the compliment in the air and took another sip. Hakyeon heard him but pretended not to for his sake.

“So, to what do I owe this rare and valuable visit of yours?” Hakyeon asked, trying not to focus too closely on Taekwoon’s cute foam mustache. They hadn’t talked very much since they were both busy starting up their businesses. And while Hakyeon still tried to wave a lot in Taekwoon’s direction when he saw him, it didn’t quite make up for talking. “How are you doing?”

“I—Hakyeon, I need some advice,” Taekwoon deflated, “some h-help about, about my cafe. It’s—I’m not…doing so well.”

Hakyeon let him continue talking, waiting for his cue.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. Our food is delicious. The desserts and beverages are delicately put together. We have good servers. They’re young, polite,” he rolled his eyes, ”somewhat good-looking.”

Hakyeon snickered.

“Really annoying and bratty, but polite. The point is,” Taekwoon waved his hand dismissively, “they do their job just fine. _Everything else_ seems to be fine. So, what am I missing??”

Hakyeon’s place became known for a lot of Things, and he was sure it would help if Taekwoon incorporated it in his own cafe, too. Hakyeon agreed about the food and drinks at Taekwoon’s place being great. The recipes were fantastic. Taekwoon’s dishes were better than the ones they currently served. He’d had a taste of it back in their university days, and he knew that there was no way that Taekwoon would let anything be served without it being up to his standard of perfection. So really, there was nothing wrong with the menu. What Taekwoon needed, was a point of differentiation. Some way to showcase the attributes of his brand to his competitive advantage. Perhaps, one that sold a Unique Service to its customers. Maybe, the _ exact same  _ as Hakyeon’s, which was completely alright with him. He was confident in his own skills, and after all, they are very good friends. 

“Sandeul!” Hakyeon called out. Their store hadn’t opened yet but he was sure everyone was in their uniform by now. They had another thirty minutes before their shift really began. Taekwoon had his forehead glued to the table when he heard the assumed person click-clacking his way to them.

“Yes, sir?”

Taekwoon looked up to be polite and his jaw dropped.

“I know this is putting you on the spot right now,” Hakyeon inquired, “but how has it been since you’ve started working here?”

Hakyeon was puzzled when Sandeul didn’t answer straight away and noticed him fidgeting a little, slightly turning away from where Taekwoon was sitting. Hakyeon turned to Taekwoon, surprised to see him gawking.

“Taekwoon. What. What’s wrong?”

“I-I…Um, why is he wearing t-that?”

Hakyeon and Sandeul blinked at him.

“Well, how else are you supposed to run a maid cafe without our servers dressed as maids?”

“Y-your business is,” Taekwoon swallowed before speaking again, “a maid cafe?”

“ _Yes!_ Did you not figure that out from the store name?”

Taekwoon shook his head frantically, fighting so hard not to hide under the table from embarrassment.

“It’s called The Little Kawaii Service Cafe, for goodness sake,” Hakyeon covered his face with his hands.

“B-But,” Taekwoon argued weakly, “I thought those pictures of maids outside your shop was just for decoration because,” he shrunk further into his seat, “well, you know, to add to the cuteness theme thing you had going on,” he uncontrollably gestured to the _everything_ in the cafe.

“A-and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that _you’re_ not cute,” Taekwoon said, arms flapping and rambling intensifying in hopes that Sandeul wasn’t offended. “I just—I-I mean…”

“Yes, sir! I am one of the maids in it,” Sandeul confessed happily knowing he was just called cute. Indirectly, but cute nonetheless. “And I can proudly say I love working here. The people we serve follow the rules and are kind to us, so I feel quite safe and appreciated, especially when they cheer for me when I sing. It’s nice.”

Hakyeon flashed a proud smile at Sandeul. “Yes, that’s right. Sandeul is a great singer and performer. You should see him when the guests order the Dragon Fruit Special. It’s his signature thing. They go crazy for it.”

Sandeul decided right then to show Taekwoon a sample of it. Before he could even finish, Taekwoon was showing him the crown of his head and making a lot of nervous noises while awkwardly seal-clapping.

“I was going to propose that you turn your cafe into a maid cafe as well, Taekwoon. I didn’t know that the people here would be interested, but apparently, they are. We don’t just sell food and drink, but the service as well. We’re the only maid cafe in the district so it’s a pretty niche market.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, Taekwoon had to admit, but he wasn’t _cute_ , no matter what Hakyeon said. He couldn’t see how he, of all people, could own a cafe that catered cute things.

Hakyeon was persistent, and Taekwoon was stubborn.

“Taekwoon, listen to me. _One_ , you are the most adorable person on the planet, and _two_ , you don’t need to live, breathe, eat and shit cute to sell cute. You have a degree in economics and marketing for crying out loud.”

“No.”

“Taek, you came to me for advice and I’m giv—”

“No, I mean, I’ll try the maid cafe idea but,” Hakyeon tilted his head in question, “it’s not going to be cute-themed. I’ll find something more fitting that I could pull off. It’ll be much better if I have a different theme anyway. You’re right across the street from me.”

Hakyeon hummed. “Well then, what theme do you think you’ll be going for?”

“A…tsundere theme?”

“What?” It was a completely backwards thought.

“Well, I’ve uh,” Taekwoon fidgeted with one of his left earrings, “seen people fall for characters who were quiet or cold in animes.”

“Taek, no one wants to keep going back to a place where people ignore or treat them rudely. That’s the complete opposite of _customer service_ ,” Hakyeon gestured with air quotes.

“I think it’d be successful. I mean, I could-I _could_ try to make it work. I’ll just have to market it well. It fits me better…and it worked on you. You still keep pestering me after all these years, if that says anything.” Taekwoon mumbled the last bit under his breath.

Hakyeon didn’t know why he was so attuned to the way Taekwoon spoke so softly but where it was beneficial for him on all those other times, this time gave him an immense surge of panic.

“No!” Hakyeon protested his distress while Sandeul’s eyes looked like they had fallen out of his head. “I just— it would never _work_!” Multiple question marks shoved themselves into his thoughts but it was too late to save anything so he just went with it.

“But Hakye—"

“ _Listen_ to me. Things work out better when you do.” Oh, he had so much regret for opening his mouth, but he too had too much pride and was nowhere near ready to face his fears head-on. “You can try and see where it goes, but don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

“Fine! We’ll see about that. I can thrive without being cute, just you watch.” Ever thick-headed and competitive Taekwoon stormed out of the cafe, not at all catching the way Hakyeon gulped, very obviously flustered.

And thus began the competition between the two maid cafes that shared the same street; but not to worry, without this competition, it would not be what it is today: a place for those who entered and left with laughter in their lungs, satisfied stomachs, lighter shoulders, and fuller hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS TAEKWOON TOO CUTE FOR HIS OWN CONCEPT? WAS HAKYEON RIGHT ALL ALONG? WAS THE COLLEGE DEBT REALLY WORTH IT? WILL THEIR FRIENDSHIP SURVIVE A FUNDAMENTAL MISUNDERSTANDING OF CUTENESS? WILL THE AUTHORS CONTINUE TO POST RHETORICAL QUESTIONS AT THE END OF EACH CHAPTER? TUNE IN NEXT **WEDNESDAY** TO FIND OUT ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF…MAID WARS!


	2. Hot butts, Cold maids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung heard from his friend, Jimin, that they were hiring and he REALLY needed a job.

 

(pls love maria's moodboard)

 

 

Walking down the small alleyway, folder clutched tightly in one hand, a waxy hand-drawn map from Jimin in the other, Taehyung made his way into the tiny shop with hopes of working soon. He hadn’t noticed it before, though he had walked through this area many times while visiting his favorite toy shop. It was sandwiched between the back of a laundromat and what looked to be an abandoned figurine store. Taehyung took a deep breath and choked slightly on the smell. Why was a coffee shop allowed to throw their trash out the front? He supposed it was part of the charm. The peeling paint, the claustrophobic tightness of the street, the sudden quietness from the bustling, well-populated streets. Like a river rock that looks boring and simple, but when you open it there are gems on the inside, colorful and shiny. He opened the door carefully and poked his head in. The inside did not reveal a hidden gem like you might find from a river rock. The walls were bare of any color, wallpaper having torn in some places. It felt slightly cold, with the somber buzzing of some overhead fans. It was different from what Jimin had described, but Taehyung thought the somber chic theme could work. He found it especially odd that customers walked right into the kitchen. He scanned the room quickly until his eyes landed on a tall, silver-haired man who was standing there with a stoic and serious expression on his side-profile.

“So hot,” Taehyung whispered to himself. The man turned sharply to look at him, his stony face melting away into utter confusion before returning to his previous appearance.

“Get in here,” hot guy said, voice rich like hot chocolate. “And use the front door next time, will you?”

“Front door? Wait, what? Me?” Blubbering mess he was, he did as he was told and did nothing else, frozen from intimidation. Hot guy raised his eyebrow at him.

“Well? What are you standing around for? You want something to eat or what?”

Taehyung, unable to speak, ungracefully shoved the sweaty folder towards the gorgeous man. He took the stained folder gingerly and didn’t make any indications that he was going to open it.

“Uh.” Hot guy’s shoulders turned rigid, eyebrows furrowing even deeper and ears growing redder by the second. Taehyung squeezed his eyes shut in fear and figured he needed to blurt out something, _anything_ because he thought the man in front of him was going to explode in anger.

“I-um-wantoworkhere-ifthat’sok?”

There was no reply. Taehyung hesitantly opened one of his eyes to peek and see if he made things worse but on the contrary. He was met with widened eyes that looked, despite hard furrowed eyebrows, _soft_? And all the redness Taehyung saw from earlier was looking to be very concentrated on smooth cheeks. Was hot-serious guy…blushing?

“Oh! Oh, thank goodness you’re not a customer. Oh, that was close.” He gave a relieved sigh and cupped his own face with one of his hands. “Yeah, yeah sure. I’ll ask the boss. Why don’t you take a seat?” He motioned towards the front of the house, with tables for customers, and walked away with Taehyung’s hopes for the new PS4 pinched between his fingers.

Puzzled by the sudden change in behavior, Taehyung rapidly shook his head back and forth. He couldn’t ponder the subject for very long anyway since he was arrested by a great view of the ass attached to the man disappearing into another room.

“Working here would be my best idea yet,” Taehyung whispered to himself.

He almost immediately took it back when said boss came out of the kitchen with the most sour looking face he’d ever seen anyone wear. Except for his mom’s kitten when it was bath time. He was tall, brooding and extremely intimidating so when he first spoke, Taehyung was very surprised by the feathery sweetness in his voice when he said:

“I’m the owner, Taekwoon. When can you start?”

“U-um…Now?”

“Good. This is Ravi, our manager. He will train you. Taehyung, right?”

“Yessir”

“Go change. Ravi will take care of you.”

He looked over and saw hot-mentor-guy Ravi smiling gently at him. Yup, best decision ever. If all the guys looked like that here, summer would definitely be worth it. As Taehyung followed his new hot-ass mentor to the lockers, he vaguely wondered where Jimin was.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yoongi comes in a little late for his shift, with sleepy eyes and the signs of a pillow on his soft mint green hair. He stops short when he sees a new guy. He is dressed in the uniform, with crisp black slacks, a tucked white ruffle shirt and a black tie, but Yoongi is sure he has never seen someone this smiley in this shop before. Maybe only that time Wonshik smacked the cup of tea in front of his first actual customer so hard he actually spilled half of the drink and apologized profusely to the customer. She was quite gracious about it, and he gave her a charming smile, which immediately made her leave and never come back. She’d been a regular customer too. But then again, charm is not what their customers are looking for. In many ways, his job suited him perfectly, when he had no charms to speak of and he could get paid to be bitchy in customer service.

The Golden Boys are nowhere to be seen, so he assumes carpooling to work now means they stop for food at _every single_ convenience store on the way there, nevermind that they work at a place that makes food. Yoongi does, however, go to the lockers to change into his work uniform and finds that the new guy is following him. Yoongi makes his taciturn introduction with a frown and a small nod before turning back to get ready.

“Hi, I’m Taehyung! You work here too?” Yoongi just stares, still too sleepy to attempt human interaction, but it doesn’t seem to matter, because Taehyung chatters happily away. “Anyway, I’m so excited, I only started working today. I’m so scared of messing up…the boss looks so scary.” Yoongi snorts and Taehyung finally stops to look at him. “What did you say your name was?”

“Yoongi. My maid name is Suga, though, so don’t call me by my real name while I’m on the clock.”

“OOOOH, do I get a maid name too? Ravi never told me about that.”

“Ravi is Wonshik’s maid name. We all have one, except for the boss. Jungkook, Kookie. Sanghyuk, Hyuk. They’re the Golden Boys. Don’t go near them.” It was great advice, except Taehyung was deep in thought, trying to come up with his maid name.

“I guess I can just be _V_ , like the guy from that graphic novel…do you know it, Yoongi?”

“That’s lame.”

“You’re right. I should give it a cuter meaning. Oh! Maybe _V_ because of how adorable I look when I do this.” Taehyung holds up his hands doing peace signs and puffs his cheeks like a squirrel.

Yoongi doesn’t react to him but manages a slow, sleepy blink.

“Let's go, V. We can snag something from the kitchen before we open if we sneak now that Taek is busy.”

“Kay!”

As the new kid skips happily away, Yoongi wonders how this guy even got hired. Just. How.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I don’t understand, Yoongi,” Taehyung pouted at him, fiddling with the ruffled ends of his dress shirt. “The customers didn’t seem to like my wiggly butt dances.”

Wonshik stopped typing up orders on the digital monitor to guardedly raise his hand in the air. “I kinda liked them.” At the same time, he wonders if he forgot to mention something to the kid…ah, it will come back.

“Ditto. And keep doing that nose thing,” Sanghyuk smirked at Jungkook. “I could sense Hongbin’s puny little hands scrunching in sync when you do. An impressive skill, that,” he chortled.

Taehyung leaned over to Yoongi and asked who Hongbin was. He answered by shaking his head, to which Taehyung mouthed _he’s dead?!_ but it went unseen by the rest, so he left it at that, not wanting to disturb the peace of the deceased.

“We could use it for The Operation. Shit’s gold,” Jungkook said wagging his eyes in Sanghyuk’s direction as he passed carrying five trays of dishes effortlessly out of the kitchen.

“What nose thing?” Taehyung’s face wrinkled in confusion.

“That. Stop that.”

“Nonsense, Yoongi! It’s an asset we need!” Sanghyuk followed quickly after Jungkook with his own multiple trays of beverages.

Everyone was too loud. The sheer increase in volume in the kitchen from all the yelling back and forth was getting on Yoongi’s nerves. Before he could lose it, he went back to stuffing some warm bread into a basket for his table but then remembered being annoyed was actually a good state to be in as a server here.

“But, but Jimin told me the customers would love it. I even tried shooting hearts out of my armpits for comedic effect. See?” Yoongi looked at him, unimpressed, as Taehyung recreated his cute shenanigans.

“What a winner, this one,” he mumbled sarcastically under his breath pointing his thumb in Taehyung’s direction. “Did you train the new guy at all, Wonshik?”

“ _I_ am your _manag_ —,”

“And who’s Jimin?” Yoongi interrupted Wonshik’s burst of fragile confidence and glanced pointedly at Taehyung.  

“Your baker?” Taehyung pulled out his phone to show Yoongi his screensaver. He glanced over casually to humor the new kid and did a double-take. “You know, pale skin, rose gold hair, he’s about yea high, got thighs that’ll crush the sides of your hea—”

At that, Yoongi slapped his hand first over Taehyung’s screen, then over Taehyung’s face, pursing his lips with wide eyes, before briskly walking off looking faintly alarmed. As he disappeared towards the front of house, Wonshik came over and looked to satiate his curiosity only to come across Taehyung’s semi-naked BFF on the screen, which only generated more confusion since it had always been Taekwoon handling the food for the most part.

“This Jimin guy definitely doesn’t work here,” Wonshik says nonchalantly, clearly unaffected. “If he’s at a maid cafe too, then he’s probably at Hakyeon’s Little Kawaii Service Cafe across the street.”

Taehyung’s eyes bulged out dramatically at the realization that he just might have applied for work at the wrong place. It made sense. The dull decor. The outfits. The blank faces. Jimin was going think he bailed out on their Summer Adventure Together. Oh, Jimin. No wonder he hadn’t seen him at all. He would have to tell him about it later over the phone and beg to be forgiven. Taehyung stared at Wonshik and thought of all the hot men that he currently worked with. Surely there was no harm in staying. He’d still get paid no matter where he was. Jimin would forgive him, especially if he could see what his co-workers looked like. With his phone still out, he snapped a quick picture of Wonshik. Wonshik opened his mouth to protest, but Taehyung blurted out _it’s my life insurance_ , and quickly scurried away to the opposite, safe, end of the kitchen to send the picture to Jimin, along with his apology essay.

Amidst Taehyung’s confusing statement, Wonshik eyed him suspiciously with the intention to pursue and question him when someone entered the kitchen.

“Hey, Wonshik.” The greeting came from a deep-voiced beauty walking towards them. The subtle drift from the window blew his dark locks away from his perfectly structured face. His skin shone lightly, like a woman on those skin care commercials, and Taehyung could swear his warm gaze was melting the butter off the croissants he was supposed to be serving right now. He moved in slow motion, and Taehyung’s heart skipped a beat, time slowing down so he could take in every detail of this hunkofaman.

Wonshik was taken by surprise by the sudden entrance, so all he could manage was a raspy, "hey, Hongbin," before the gorgeous supermodel turned to him with a tilted head.

Taehyung looked back and forth between Wonshik and Hongbin, noting that his manager too looked absolutely dazed.

“ _Oh_ ,” Taehyung said in awe. “ _You’re_ Hongbin. I get it now. You died and came back to save me. Like Gandalf.”

Before Hongbin could respond, there was another quick sound of a phone camera shutter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Taetae! I thought you were planning to come hand in your application today! I told you I’ve already put in a good word for you, so don’t fret so much about the interview. Our Summer Adventure Together awaits! The PS4 is going to be farther out of reach the more you wait, you know?”

“Jimin, listen, don’t be mad…but I got hired at the cafe right across the street from you instead.” There was a gasp. “J-Jimin? You there?” There was a beat of silence.

“You _traitor_ ! You _left_ me!”

“No-no, it was an honest mistake!”

“ _Deserted_ and _abandoned_ by my _best friend_!”

“Chim, please! I know we talked about working in the same place for summer, but I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear!”

“I’m playin’. Work is work. Broke college student life, yada-yada. It would have been nice to work together, but we can still get a PS4, right? How’d you manage to mess our locations up, huh?”

“Well…the map you drew for me was kinda unclear.”

“I worked hard on that map! Took me three days to make that for you!”

“It was smudged with unicorn glitter frosting.”

“I suppose you could say I worked hard _on_ that map quite literally…But I used a good quality baking sheet!”

“Okay, I’m glad you’re not super mad, because I actually have something to show you. I sent you some pics. You see them yet?”

“Tae, all I saw was a five-minute scroll of what looked like a dissertation on our friendship. I didn’t get to the pics. You don’t have another weird mole, right? Don’t send it to my mom this time, please. There’s no need to scar her further.”

“No, Jimin! Wait…she didn’t like my elephant mole? Aw, but…No! Focus! It’s my coworkers. Chim, they are so hot. Like, all of them. But I guess I didn’t need to send the pictures if you forgave me so easily.”

“Who said you were forgive—WOW. Yeah, okay. They’re hot. You’re on paparazzi duty now, Tae.”

“Yes. _Hot_. But on the floor, they’re all kinda…serious. It’s weird. This place is nothing like how you described your coffee shop. No one reacts to my cuteness like you said, and the decor is drab. They need some serious reality TV show to help remodel.”

“Hmm. Remember Seokjin and Jaehwan? I bet I could get them over there before their shift and help out. They are unhealthily obsessed with those redecorating shows; they’d probably love to get their hands on a project.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE FATE OF TAEKWOON’S CAFE RESTS IN SEOKJIN AND JAEHWAN’S HANDS. WILL ALL BE SAVED? IS THERE EVEN SOMETHING to SAVE? WHAT DID WONSHIK’S TRAINING EVEN CONSIST OF? WILL JIMIN’S NAKED TORSO BECOME A PERMANENT FIXTURE IN THE MIND OF A MIN YOONGI? WILL TAEHYUNG BE ABLE TO CONCENTR—but dat ass tho! (Tae, pls let the authors finish their rhetoric narrative, thank you)… TUNE IN AGAIN NEXT **WEDNESDAY** TO FIND OUT ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF… MAID WARS!


	3. The Abominable Pinkification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung gets initiated for the week and, in a way, so does Taekwoon.

They both walk into the dingy cafe with open mouths of horror.

“Are you sure this is a _maid cafe_?!” Seokjin asks no one in particular.

“This is not cute at all. And your outfits are so serious too.” Jaehwan sniffs around as he pokes in the giant pink bag he’s brought. “How about we put some of these around…they’ll brighten up the place!” Jaehwan pulls out the cat clock that used to hang in their own workplace and some bright wallpaper.

They both roll up their sleeves in a semblance of preparing for some hard work when Taehyung bursts in from the kitchen.

“HYUUUUUNG, you came to VISIIIT!”

“No,” Seokjin scoffs, “I came to redecorate.”

It doesn’t stop Taehyung from chatting away and bobbing from place to place as Seokjin and Jaehwan hang streamers, posters of cute anime people, placing new, ridiculously shaped, lamps on every table and generally turn it into a pink abomination.

“Did Jimin tell you about how I accidentally got a job here instead? Won't you miss me? Is that why you came by?” Taehyung asks in a whiny voice as he frolicks around his hyung, pretending to help but mostly just getting in the way.

“Ugh, stop that. Yes. No. Jimin said you were worried about the decor of your workplace. I mean, I get it now, it is depressing.” Seokjin answers with a sigh, as he was trying to hang up some posters of cute anime girls in floofy dresses. “Can you hand me the heart shaped lights? You should start setting up those carousel lamps at the tables.”

 

* * *

 

“The new kid is bouncing around at the front. Again.” Hongbin said this with a soft angelic smile as he looked at his nails like he expected Taekwoon to take care of it.

“Then make him stop. Or don’t. Just leave me alone, you’re not even supposed to be back here.” Taekwoon growled at him. Couldn’t he see Taekwoon was _busy_? Where were the cream puffs he just set out to chill? Was Yoongi eating all the cream puffs again?

“Isn’t it Wonshik’s job to do that?” Hongbin replied, still looking at his nails.

“Yes, but Wonshik is helping me take out the carrot—” Taekwoon interrupted himself to glare at Hongbin’s decidedly dirty smirk, “— _pallet_ from the van. You know what, I don’t want to have this conversation. Can’t you go to the back fridge and prep the bananas for the sundaes?”

Hongbin sighed and rolled his eyes, but dutifully went to do as he was bid. Or something.

Hongbin started washing his hands when he suddenly remembered what he went to the kitchen for. He turned back, looking for his boss to ask him why some randos were changing the decor, but Taekwoon had gone out the back door. Presumably to bring back their supply pallets. He shrugged to himself, thinking there wouldn’t be people outside decorating the place if Taekwoon hadn’t ordered it.

 

* * *

 

 

When Taekwoon comes from the back door into his kitchen, with Wonshik in tow and an armful of fresh produce, the last thing he expects to see is his full staff doubled up in laughter around the new kid.

“What’s going on?” he asks mildly, though his eyes could cut through ice. He and Wonshik put the boxes down on the cool metal counters, and he takes a few steps towards his employees to take a closer look. Yoongi is still gasping with laughter when he turns to see the expression of his boss and sobers up immediately.

“Hongbin asked Taehyung to help him prep the bananas, and he hasn't been able to peel one,” he responds mechanically, not even cracking a smile.

Taehyung turns, red and shiny faced as if he’s been working at it for a while. “Hyuuung, I can’t get it to come—” he huffs as he resumes rubbing it up and down to no avail, “—out! Why’s this so hard?” In his red hands, is an unpeeled frozen banana.

His staff laughs uncontrollably, again.

This is the closest Taekwoon has felt like crying in a very long time. Not since he broke his leg freshman year playing soccer. Not since his sister got married. He doesn't cry often, but he feels like he’s about to snap. They all see a spark of something unfamiliar before it morphs into anger on Taekwoon’s face, and the Golden Boys are the first to attempt an escape. Sanghyuk mumbles something like _ohlookatmytablesobusy_ but Wonshik strains his neck and makes a cutting motion across it with his hand behind Taekwoon.

“It’s almost time to open the cafe and you are fooling around? NO bananas are peeled? You ruined _everything_ for a PRANK?!”

“Alright, alright, don't blow a fuse over this. I got them over here. I just left that one frozen banana to initiate the new recruit,” says Hongbin grumpily as he walks to the back of the kitchen and pulls one of the trays of unfrozen, perfectly peeled and syrup soaked bananas to show the boss. “See, you can unclench your butt now.”

Taekwoon only unclenches his butt a little.

He sends the rest of the staff away from the kitchen and into their positions waiting for guests, hoping that there will be more customers than the week before. He runs over the list of things to do and gives himself a tension knot on the shoulder. Stretching his neck and shoulders, he rolls up his sleeves to wash his hands and finish prepping the menu of the day. The only sounds are the rush of water from the sink and the clatter of Wonshik, as he puts away the new ingredients. He finally managed to make the payment for the last three month’s deliveries and was able to order new ingredients. It had been a tough few weeks, worrying over the budget and the dwindling supplies, forcing him to get _very_ creative with the food. Fortunately, Yoongi still has some regular customers that came to visit every week. Sanghyuk and Jungkook also have a couple of faithful regulars, and are very good with the bigger parties. But their regulars were not going to keep this place afloat, which is why he’d hired the new guy. With his deep voice and sharp eyes, Taekwoon was hoping he would pull in even more customers. He now had a full set of handsome young men…maybe he could open a twitter for them to chat with the customers?

Taehyung pops his head into the kitchen, calling Taekwoon’s attention.

“Umm, by the way, hyung,” he says carefully, “I picked out my maid name. I’m V.” Taehyung puffs up his face doing a peace sign to show the meaning of his name, hoping that his cuteness will cheer up his scary boss.

Taekwoon’s heart unexpectedly flutters again at the way Taehyung calls him hyung. None of the others addressed him that way, ever. He was strangely finding him…adorable.

Hiring him might have been a mistake.

 

* * *

 

 

Taekwoon mumbles out a few more tasks under his breath as he unrolls his sleeves. Everything was in order so far. In fact, he finishes prep early despite the morning mishap. Multiple cartons of eggs had been fluffed and saved until they became omelettes, fruit had been cleaned and divided for smoothies, pastries and decor, and all the bread, cake and pastries were either in the oven, or chilling in a rack. All he needs to do now is to cut up the last of the veggies, set them in the fridge and open the till with Wonsik. Knowing there are few things left to do allows him to relax.

Taekwoon slices through the veggies calmly, humming to himself like he hasn't done in years. All that can be heard in the kitchen is the hum of the fan and his feathery voice drifting through the kitchen in a songless melody. It feels odd, somehow. It gives him pause, to suddenly realize how clearly he could hear the fan. With Hongbin’s bored bickering and the Golden Boys banter missing, the uncharacteristic quietness brings Taekwoon out of the kitchen and into his cafe. Something in his brain short-circuits and he starts seeing red…or in this case, pink. Pink with a heavy filter of red. His tables are all covered in frilly lace, sappy heart-shaped lamps are on every corner (his electric bill, oh god) and the walls are covered in posters and images of assorted adorable animals and objects, as well as anime girls in ridiculously cute outfits—and is that a cat clock?

“Surprise!” yells out the new kid. “Hyung, do you like it?”

He takes it all back. _This_ is the closest he’s ever been to crying.

 

* * *

 

 

After Taekwoon ripped all their decorations down with a mere look, he ordered everyone to get clean up supplies and literally rip it down. Jaehwan and Jin ran away as soon as the saw they looming figure of Taekwoon peek out from the kitchen, which Taehyung hadn’t noticed until he turned around to explain how they had come in to help with the concept. So he tried to explain himself.

“Well, my friends from the cafe down the street came over to help. We thought the place wasn’t getting enough customers since the decor is not super cute, so they brought some stuff. Whaddaya think, boss?” Taehyung was smiling brightly, his limited amount of time at the cafe hadn’t trained him yet for the nuances of Taekwoon’s Glares. As his boss stalked closer and closer, he found it equal parts immensely hot and immensely terrifying. Taehyung immediately thought of Snape. Was this a Snarry story? Was he Harry? _Swoon_.

“You let them do _what_.” It was a statement, not a question. Taehyung could tell from the softness of his voice.

“I just thought I’d help… y-you don’t like it do you, boss?” He finished dejectedly.

“N-no, I-I like—” Taekwoon stuttered at the sight of a pouty Taehyung, but finished resolutely, “—whether I like it or not is not the point. How are you still unaware that our concept is being tsundere?!”

“What?! I didn’t know that! I don’t know how to—no, I _can’t_ be mean to people!” At this realization, Taehyung felt a little defeated. “Am I…gonna get fired, hyung?” Taehyung’s pout deepened and he knew that it was partially because he was thinking of his PS4, but mostly because he liked working in this run down place with these mean people…for some reason.

Taekwoon’s heart broke a little at the thought of firing this kid who called him hyung.

“No, I…I can teach you how to be tsundere if you want,” he finished softly.

“R-really?” Taehyung looked up from where his head hung low. Maybe with help, he won’t be so hopeless. “That’d be awesome, hyung! When do we start?”

In his excitement, Taehyung had blocked the rest of the culprits from view, who were quietly trying to drop the supplies and escape through the lockers. They had almost succeeded, until Wonshik came in from the lockers, knees giving out slightly as he almost ran into Hongbin and said, a little too loud and too fast, “H-Hongbin! Hi! Hey! W-what’s up!” Which reminded Taekwoon…

“And _you_! Where do you think _you’re_ going?”

The four of them froze, Hongbin only grimacing towards Wonshik in response, while Sanghyuk and Jungkook mouthed obscenities at him. Yoongi maintained his cold facade, but the hand behind his back was shaking a bit; the telltale sign that Wonshik needed to get out of the way if he didn’t want his face wrecked.

“You are going to clean this whole place, _and_ you’re staying tomorrow after hours because of the extra time you wasted here taking this stuff down instead of opening the shop. We barely get enough clients as it is…” Taekwoon finished with a grumble. He looked at Taehyung, “We can start next week, but you need to help them clean up too. This was your idea after all.” Taekwoon signaled Wonshik, and they walked together towards the till so they could open up shop. Before they got too far though, Taekwoon reached for the cat clock with the swishy tail and tucked it away. No one would know he’d kept it if he put it in his office.

 

* * *

 

 

“Best get started on closing,” Hongbin said grabbing a rag towel and throwing it over his shoulder, “it’s going to be a long night, and we won’t have Wonshik to help because he was being a _good_ boy.” He rolled his eyes as he turned towards the main area and started wiping down tables with Yoongi while Taehyung joined the Golden Boys in putting up chairs.

Taehyung excitedly skipped while dragging a mop behind him after the main floor had been swept. It wasn’t so bad. He’s cleaned up his dorm room of empty pizza boxes and scattered DVDs at the end of every month at the insistence of Jimin. Humming _Whistle While you Work_ to himself, he thought of how his first few days at his new workplace was going pretty okay. A roller coaster of sorts, really, but okay. It had certainly been a shock to figure out this was a tsundere maid cafe, but it would make it more easy to get the customers to like him, now that he knew he wasn’t supposed to wink at them and make finger hearts. On the other hand, being cold and harsh wasn’t necessarily his strong suit either. He could do it if he was actually mad, but it took a lot of energy. Taekwoon had offered to train him. The sudden thought made him smile. His boss was really good at it, and private tutoring lessons with him twisted up his stomach in pleasant knots. Was getting glared at a kink? He’d have to ask Jimin. He continued mopping with a soft grin on his face, thinking he was kind of glad he’d stumbled upon this run down coffee shop.

“Hey Tae!” Jungkook yelled from the kitchen and tipped his chin to the side of the door, “Could I get you to mop in here too?”

“‘Kay!”

“Hongbin’s getting the oven and Yoongi’s getting the stove. Sanghyuk and I just finished cleaning up the whole front of house so the only thing left is taking out the trash and mopping up the kitchen. And of course closing up, but Taekwoon hasn’t come back.”

Taehyung wanted nothing more than to go home and meet up with Jimin to tell him about his day. Maybe pester him to rewatch _The Terminator_ or _Finding Nemo_. But he knew his co-workers were in trouble because of him, and he saw them working hard much longer past their shift, so he carefully rolled the bucket and mop to the kitchen and put his back into it. It wasn’t a huge kitchen. As a matter of fact, it was small enough that only one person could comfortably bake. The deep industrial sink was in the back corner, opposite of the back door through which he’d first come in. The back wall was actually half lined with recently washed dishes and a refrigerator looking door, which he now knew was the proving drawer—where bread rolls slept and grew big before being sent to the oven. Next to it was the actual walk-in fridge, with steel doors, same as the table in the middle of the kitchen, where Taekwoon baked and cooked everything they served. The fan was unmoving above him, so Taehyung could hear the chatter of the others resting by the till. He was only supposed to mop the floor, so he was done in a few minutes.

“Phew. All done,” he called out to the others. Hongbin and Yoongi had already changed out of their work uniforms. Sanghyuk and Jungkook were supposed to stay until Taekwoon came back and close up the place.

“Hey Tae,” Sanghyuk tapped him on the shoulder, “could you get the freezer?”

“The freezer?”

“Yeah,” he said seriously, “then we’ll get the trash and be outta here.”

Taehyung had never heard of mopping a freezer before, but perhaps he didn’t know because it was his first time working at a food place. He looked over at Yoongi for approval, who had his arms crossed and his head bowed in serious concentration. He let out a little grunt, which Taehyung took as confirmation, and went into the walk-in. Jungkook couldn’t help himself. A maniacal giggle escaped him before Taehyung finished twisting the mop. Yoongi fell over from his standing nap, looking around wildly and setting his eyes on the devil pair giggling and slapping each other, holding a phone camera towards the open freezer where Taehyung was beginning to stick a wet mop.

“What the fu—”

“I told them not to do it,” Hongbin said with a disapproving frown. “Mostly because I didn’t think it would work, but I guess the new guy is dumb enough to try. It’s his funeral now.”

Yoongi only sighed tiredly and went to grab Taehyung’s wrist, but directed his question towards the Golden Boys. “What do you think you’re doing? Messing with Taekwoon’s kitchen?” he turned fully towards them with an impassive face that made them wiggle uncomfortably.

“I’m not supposed to mop this up?” Taehyung interrupted.

“No.”

“Is it their turn to mop the freezer? Did they trick me into doing their chores because I got you guys in trouble?” Taehyung looked around worried his co-workers didn’t like him as much as he liked them. He was met with a stunned silence that only made him more anxious. “Because if that’s what they’re doing don’t worry about it, Yoongi. I don’t mind. I know it was my fault, and I’m sorry everyone. I like their joke, it’s funny! Ha-Ha, see? Please don’t get them in more trouble because of me…” he finished quietly. The room suddenly became kinder, warmer, even though the freezer behind him was still open.

Surprising everyone, it was Hongbin who spoke up first. “Come on kid, we forgive you,” everyone nodded and he continued, “let’s go get some drinks and celebrate the face Taekwoon made when he walked into the cafe this morning,” he flashed his wicked grin and the tension dissolved like butter on fresh pancakes.

They all put away the cleaning supplies and headed to the lockers. By the time Sanghyuk, Jungkook and Taehyung were done changing, Taekwoon had come back breathless and sweaty, holding their stepping ladder for some reason, and told them it was fine to go. That he’d close up soon.

They walked out into the thick summer night, chatting over the events of the day, laughing over this and that, and generally happy to unwind from work. Taehyung stopped suddenly, breathing in deeply, surprised at himself for the sudden moisture in his eyes. Yoongi walked back to him, pretending not to see the redness in his eyes, and reached up to clasp his neck—much like a father would.

“Come on. You’ll learn. They won't take it too far.”

“Because you won’t let them?”

“...Something like that,” Yoongi whispered but then covered it with a cough, making him sound a bit gruff. But now, Taehyung understood. He could hear love behind those words.

Maybe this tsundere thing had its own charm after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WILL TAEHYUNG BE ABLE TO REPRODUCE TAEKWOON’S GLARES? WHERE DID TAEKWOON GO TO BECOME SO BREATHLESS? AND JUST how MUSCULAR IS HIS BUTT FROM THE CONSTANT CLENCHING? AND FINALLY, WILL SEOKJIN AND JAEHWAN GET AWAY WITH THEIR PINK CRIMES? 
> 
> SUBSCRIBE TO FIND OUT HERE NEXT **WEDNESDAY** ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF MAID WARS!


	4. A Moon Star is Born

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cute is cute is cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please watch [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svsldn__pvE) before you read this chapter because it's hella fitting of an intro. and love this joonie lots. i'm very very soft for him uWu.

 

[   
](https://twitter.com/thinking_toes/status/1133933466779881472) another moodboard of maria's. pls send love her way thnx.

 

 

“Pardon?”

“Sailor Moon Mondays! It’s gonna be our new event to attract customers.” Hakyeon said with a bright smile, sharp eyes.

“No, I heard you,” Namjoon deadpanned. “I just. I can barely pull this maid thing off. I can’t—”

“WHAT ARE THESE!” Seokjin ran in breathless and grabbed one of the sailor outfits.

“Costumes for our—”

“I’m gonna look gorgeous in this skirt,” gasped Jaehwan, also running in late for the afternoon shift.

“Where have you both been?!” Hakyeon sputtered out at the two who didn’t even apologize for their tardiness, let alone acknowledge his presence.

Out of sheer familiarity, Hakyeon speculated that Seokjin and Jaehwan, or The Golden Girls as they have dubbed themselves, were probably busy watching yet another episode of the show from which they took their name from. Nevermind that they’ve watched the entire show an infinite amount of times and could recite every line from every episode. He just hoped that they drank cranberry juice instead of red wine, because aside from the fact that it’s completely unprofessional to be drunk while working, the both of them being drunk was a whole another problem altogether.

“Have you _any_ idea how late you are—wait a minute. Where’s my—” The cat clock at the end of his pointed finger was missing.

“Maybe a ghost took it,” Jaehwan said quickly, shoving Seokjin a little, who _not_ so quickly goes along with it.

“Ow! What the? Oh—OH! oooOOOOOooo!” Seokjin tried to use his spookiest ghost voice while wiggling his fingers at Hakyeon, his impassive face cracking a little.

“Yeah, I heard there was a ghost in the building…” Jaehwan continued.

“No, you didn’t. You’re just trying to scare me.” Hakyeon tried for chill, but only managed shrill.

“Is it working?” They asked in unison, knowing perfectly well it was working. You could scare Hakyeon with ghost stickers.

Their boss sniffed with great dignity.

“No.” Hakyeon started to walk away a little faster. “Just, please get your costumes and try them on.” Hakyeon walked away even faster, calling back to them. “Next Monday is the first day of the event and I want you all to make sure there won’t be any wardrobe malfunctions.”

Jaehwan dropped a shoe loudly on the metal bench and giggled when Hakyeon flinched as he hurried away.

“And I’m _not_ scared, by the way!” he yelled back at them. “Just _busy_.” He then rushed to meet Hoseok in the kitchen to consult him on the probability of ghosts.

Hakyeon did pat Namjoon on the way out—kindly, though quickly—but it did nothing to comfort him. At least it couldn’t be as bad as Cowgirl Thursdays. The boots and denim skirt were…fine. But the plaid shirt tied above the bellybutton was the worst. Shaving his belly for a job was not something he ever thought he’d have to do. At least there was no shaving for this costume, right?

“By the way, you’re totally wrong,” Seokjin said offhandedly, bringing all the costumes on the table with him to the lockers.

“Huh?”

“You'd totally pull off cute. You’re adorable.” Jaehwan finished Seokjin’s thought, as he tended to do, with a smile.

Namjoon didn’t know what to think of that but followed them anyway to the pile of clothes at the back of the lockers.  

Eunkwang and Sandeul were already there fully dressed as Sailor Venus and Sailor Mercury, busy helping each other pick out accessories to go with their outfits.

“ _Yeah_ , he would,” Seokjin said to Jaehwan. “Definitely.”

“Right??”

“So uh, which costume are you guys wearing?” Namjoon asked, fiddling with the collar of his Wu-Tang Clan t-shirt.

“Nevermind that. You’re wearing this.” Jaehwan pushed the uniform with a pink bow and navy blue skirt to Namjoon, his grin matching Seokjin’s.

“W-wait. This is—”

They had given him Sailor Moon’s costume. His heart swelled, but only for a moment.

“I don’t understand. She’s the main protagonist. The reincarnation of a warrior that protects planet earth from evil. If anything I expected you two to fight over her. Why—”

“I’ll be Sailor Jupiter! She’s the brawny one.” Jaehwan grabbed at the uniform with the green skirt before lifting his sleeve to flex his biceps, winking. “You’re Sailor Mars because she’s incredibly hot-tempered and picks fights with everybody.”

“Oh, _please_ ,” Seokjin shoved him and picked up the red uniform, flicking his bangs. “I’m Sailor Mars because she has amazing psychic abilities. Also because everyone around found her beautiful, just like yours truly: A Worldwide Beauty. _”_ Seokjin sent his signature blowing kiss at a peeved Jaehwan.

“B-but you guys—”

“You’ll look great in it, Moni.” Namjoon’s maid name left Seokjin’s lips with a soft smile.

“Are you still fretting over the whole _I’m not cute because I don’t wholly fit the image_ thing?” Ilhoon cut in, asking him via the mirror at the dresser he was sitting at.

Namjoon gulped at Ilhoon’s knowing look, but he also glared at him a little, or tried to anyway. He did like cute things. Liked soft plush toys, baby animals, flower crowns and colorful frosted cupcakes. But for the same reason that he used to think colors like black and peach couldn’t possibly go together, or that his love for both hip-hop and j-pop cancelled each other out, it was taking him a while to embrace all sides of himself and let them co-exist.

“You like what you like,” Ilhoon told him as he padded foundation over his arms and neck, little bits of his jewelry taken off and neatly arranged into a tiny metal case. “I know sometimes you wanna play it safe so you can swim comfortably within what you know but, no one really knows you better than you. We already have enough people telling us who we are and what to feel. So do yourself a favour, and let yourself be happy without their permission, alright?”

And Namjoon _was_ happy. He was happy here. Happy to have the freedom to engage in the part of himself he locked away for a long time. He thought of Hakyeon providing him a place to stay for a week when he had problems with housing, their chef Hoseok offering to teach him how to cook for himself so he could eat more than ramen every day, and their baker Jimin setting aside cupcakes for him from the morning batch on his noticeably rougher days. Working at the cafe became like a safe haven, a community he could rely on and would most definitely stay in touch with when he eventually saved up enough and left for grad school.  

“Thanks, man.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now come over here and help me tie this bow around my neck, cutie.”

 

* * *

 

 

On the second week of Sailor Moon Mondays, Hakyeon was in the middle of double checking the specials of the day with Sandeul, and Eunkwang when ten minutes before officially opening the store for lunch time, a student came bursting through the door.

“Can you imagine what would’ve happened if I unlocked the door _just_ a minute later?” Eunkwang asked Sandeul as he doubled over in laughter.

“Hi! Table for three please!” the student said before excitedly running out to drag in an eye-smiley student donning a kermit backpack, only to run back out _again_ to yell down the street.

“Sungjae, hurry _up_!”

Soon enough, a tall boy with a sharp doofy grin trudged inside, his uniform looking slightly unkempt. A new face.

The first two have been here every weekday for three weeks straight, coming right when the cafe opens (or in this case, just a few minutes prior), to order the specials of the day, inhale all of it in, then proceed to chat very animatedly with Hakyeon’s maid servers for the rest of their visit. It can be assumed that they went back to their classes late all the time since they only ever left too close to the o’clock time.

Hakyeon welcomed them and their eagerness with a smile. He truly didn’t mind the little ruckus they brought to the cafe. They hadn’t caused trouble that was too out of control (as of yet), and besides, they were well on their way to becoming very loyal regulars at the rate they were going, and loyal regulars are _every_ establishment’s goal to have.

“Welcome home, Masters. My name is N. I’ll be showing you to your seats.” He did a polite little bow with his right arm folded over the left of his chest before extending it out towards the dining room. “If you would please follow me,” he said, leading them and to a table decorated with lavender-colored cloth and ivory floral patterned lace.

“I’ll have the Moon Princess Ha _latte_ tion and a Sailor Special Ramen Set, please and thank you!” the bouncy, tip-toed student eagerly requested before Hakyeon could even ask.

“Excellent choice. I’ll gladly let your server know. Would the other Masters like to order any drinks at this time as well?”

“I’ll have the… what was it that Namjoon always orders? Hot _Kakao_ Ryan something, something?”

“Omg no, why?! Today is Sailor Moon Mondays, Sungjae! You have to order from the featured menu!” His overly excited friend shoved said menu in his face.

“Go easy on my first time, Peniel, geez. Calm thyself.” Sungjae peeled the menu off his nose to take a better look. “I’ll have the…Rainbow Moon Heart _shake_ , then?” Hakyeon nodded and looked to the quieter boy in the group for his order.

“Uh—”

“Hyunsik here will probably like the Iced Starlight Honeymoon _Tea_ rapy Kiss, since he’s into pineapples.”

“Oh my, you’ve certainly memorized our menu. Sailor Moon Mondays only started last week.” Hakyeon didn’t make any movements to physically note down their orders. He didn’t need to.

“I freaking love the food here so much I’m practically on my way to ordering everything at least once! And the servers are super adorable.” Peniel dazed off into dreamland with his hands clasped together by his cheek.

“Yeah, and we never see Peniel eat in the university cafeteria anymore. We have to follow him here if we want to see him at all,” Sungjae whined into Hyunsik’s shoulder.

“I don’t mind,” Hyunsik said nudging Sungjae off, eyes searching around the cafe. “It’s nice…here.”  

“Well, I am pleased to hear that,” Hakyeon chuckled behind his fist. “As the owner, I appreciate your compliments very much.”

Peniel gasped, whisper yelling about how much he loved the place repeatedly and how it’s the best cafe he’s been to in forever. Hakyeon’s smile grew at that.

“Well. Masters Peniel, Sungjae and Hyunsik, it’s a pleasure to have you. Your server will be with you shortly with your beverages. Please enjoy.”

While Hakyeon bowed again with his arm to his chest, the bell hung by the main door made a tinkling noise and a man with blonde hair walked into his Little Kawaii Service Cafe.

Everyone has their own vision of what cute looked like. Rainbows, cute blushing clouds, unicorns and kittens, pastel colors and pretty thigh-highs, those are the things that might come to mind, and that’s just _some_ of the things in the cafe. All the uniforms Hakyeon’s servers had matched that theme to an extent, so when he saw a familiar set of tattoos and piercings, Hakyeon rushed to hide him for fear of the—well there were no other customers trickling in, so it wasn’t _terrible_ but soon they’d be packed. But _regardless_ , really, it was becoming a habit that needed to stop.

“ _Ilhoon_ ,” Hakyeon didn’t mean to scold him in front of the customers, so he smiled his most gentle smile and whispered, “excuse me,” in the general direction of their only customers before walking up to him. “I thought I told you to come through the back door if you were going to come in late! The customers could recognize you, and you can’t be seen looking like _that_.”

“I look amazing, thank you very much.”

Hakyeon rolled his eyes and began subtly shoving Ilhoon towards the back room with a bit of effort.

“Tattoos and piercings can be cute too. You know why?” Ilhoon turned back to ask a hard-working Hakyeon, his lip ring glinting a little from his amusement at his own upcoming punch line. “Because _I’m_ cute.” Ilhoon winked and Hakyeon barely succeeded in swallowing down a slight gag.

There was a ruckus that followed from the student table that made Hakyeon and Ilhoon look over. Feeling noticed, Peniel and Sungjae waved at them sheepishly and Hyunsik was in between them, hiding half behind his kermit backpack and half under the table.

Hakyeon returned the smile before sharply turning the same smile to Ilhoon, except this time, heavily enunciating through his teeth, eyebrows twitching. “Back. Room. _Now_.”

With widened eyes, Ilhoon bowed slightly and mumbled a _yes, sir_ as Hakyeon passed him.

Sandeul, Eunkwang, Jaehwan and Seokjin were already in a matching set of sailor guardian uniforms, walking towards front of the house, ready to take orders from the incoming flurry of patrons they could see approaching from the window panes. Ilhoon, on the other hand, went to the back room as instructed to transform into Sailor Saturn.

Through the double doors of the kitchen, Hakyeon relayed the orders to his staff and within a few minutes, the beverages were ready to be brought out to the front, which really meant that it was partly ready, as the rest of it would be completed along with the customer who ordered it.

“Moni, your table’s orders are ready!” came the delighted yell from Hoseok in the kitchen.

In the midst of lightly skipping towards the dining area in his Sailor Moon uniform, pigtails swaying softly, tray of beverages cradled in his arms, Moni hummed _Moonlight Densetsu_ under his breath. He had already done a bit of vocal exercises this morning so he could comfortably speak in a slightly higher pitch, tone sweet.

“—der if Namjoon’s working today.”

“He should be! I saw him here yesterday drawing hearts on _Omo!_ lettes with ketchup!”

Namjoon stopped dead in his tracks recognizing that voice. If he could inch back _just_ a smidge maybe they wouldn’t see him and he could ask Eunkwang to switch tables and—

“Nams?” Oh god. He brought friends. Sungjae of all people.

Namjoon’s shoulders sank. Gone was the practiced higher pitch in his voice. “Why does this happen to me?” He pitched it low enough so only the cruel gods could hear him.

“Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or did you shave your legs?” Sungjae sounded too excited for it to be a casual question.

“Why can’t I ever escape from you?” Namjoon ignored Sungjae’s affronted response and then turned to Peniel exasperatedly. “And Peniel, why? _Why_ are you around whenever I’m working?”

“Excuse you!” Sungjae protested, drowning out Peniel’s reply of _because food_ while Hyunsik climbed out from behind his kermit backpack deeming it familiar and safe again. “I like to know how my favorite lab partner is doing sometimes! He has great legs when shaved apparently.”

“ _Sometimes_ means you can text me once a month.” Namjoon whispered furiously, trying not to get caught. “It can’t be synonymous with feeling like I'm living in the beginning of that movie, _Elizabethtown_ —Sungjae please stop staring.”

“ _Ahem._ ”

Namjoon’s back stiffened, breath catching in his lungs. In trying his best not to make any sudden movements, he cautiously cleared his throat and proceeded to speak in the cutest little voice he could muster.

“Welcome home Masters! I brought the drinks you ordered! Do our Masters want to eat too?”

With Moni’s pretty twirl and an index finger pointed at one of his dimples, Peniel let out a delighted squeal of glee followed by heavily frenzied clapping. The dark presence of Hakyeon lessened considerably after that.

“Well that was something,” Sungjae said blankly. Namjoon shrunk a little but tried to keep it together.

“Sungjae don’t—”

“Oh, Moni! You are absolutely adorable!” Peniel interrupted. Namjoon’s heart stuttered for a moment. “Oh please, please, please can we start making the drinks together?? I’m so ready to do the transformations with you!”

“O-of course!” Namjoon had never served Peniel and Hyunsik before out of worry, but to his surprise, he was extended the same awe they gave to the other maids who served them. Even Sungjae was looking enthusiastic. Flustered and giddy, Moni gathered two out of the three mixers to shake and let out a genuine giggle in preparation for his mini performance. “In the name of the moon, here I go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOKS LIKE THE GOLDEN GIRLS GOT AWAY THIS TIME!
> 
> But don’t worry, the story’s not over just yet! We hope you enjoyed seeing all the cute in this chapter. Next week we’ll catch a glimpse of What is Service—service! See you on Wednesday! : D
> 
>  
> 
> PS. THIS LOVELY FANART OF [SAILORMON](https://twitter.com/eeirevixx/status/1136465504502276097) WAS MADE BY THE LOVELY ERI. PLEASE SHOW THEM SOME LOVE.


	5. Splashing water to spite my dry wit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongbin is bitter, karma is a bitch. What else is new?

Hongbin coming into the lockers and groaning to himself is not a new thing, but when he groans for the third time in five minutes they all look up. He glances around as he notices the looks from his co-workers.

“I had a bad morning, okay?” Hongbin frumps out as an excuse.

Everyone is ready to shrug it off and continue changing until Hongbin grunts once more.

“Either tell us what’s wrong, or get out. You’re bumming out the kid.” Yoongi says with a pointed look at Taehyung, who’s started to gnaw on the sleeves of his sweater without even noticing. When he does, he opts to cross his arms and attempt the tsundere look Taekwoon had been teaching him.

“I saw a happy couple today. They were sharing and umbrella,” Hongbin spits this out with a certain amount of revulsion. Taehyung feels a soft aww coming out of his mouth, and immediately decides to censor himself. “They started kissing, so I splashed them with my bike. Can’t stand happy couples.”

Yoongi raises a single eyebrow critically, but Sanghyuk comes over to put his arm around a disgruntled Hongbin.

“So you haven’t gotten laid in a while, and you’re getting horngry,” he says with a sage voice. As if Hongbin knows what he is talking about. No one, in fact, knows what he is talking about, so he explains with put upon patience. “You know, like hungry and angry put together is hangry, but it’s horny and angry. Horngry.”

The general consensus on Hongbin’s angry sexual energy doesn’t seem to help his mood, so Jungkook, Sanghyuk and Yoongi are happy to leave him alone. The four of them are the only ones technically on duty as servers, as Taehyung had come in earlier than his shift to demand a training session with Taekwoon before the cafe got busy. This meant they had to take care of the kitchen, the cashier, and service. It would be a lot of pressure, except there were no customers to serve. Yoongi is happy to lounge in one of the chairs, basically napping, while Jungkook and Sanghyuk hunch over their phones playing games.

Hongbin brings a book out from his locker and decides to review his manual for the LSAT. Sanghyuk had wondered aloud multiple times how he didn’t just fall asleep as soon as he opened it, but Hongbin feels a happy glow in his brain as he makes notes on the margins and tries to absorb as many legal terms as possible. There are many jobs in the service industry where the pay is just as good, or better, but no other allows him to be mean to clients and study during dead hours. As he studies, his mind goes into an almost meditative state where he can relax and forget about his awful morning.

 

* * *

 

The gentle bells of the door announce the presence of customers, but none of them hurry to invite them in, or guide them to their seats. Instead, Yoongi slowly shuffles to the kitchen as Jungkook, Sanghyuk and Hongbin make eye contact and throw their hands towards each other at the count of three. Unfortunately for Hongbin, he loses the match by throwing out scissors, and is forced to close his book and tend to the couple that just entered. Two young women walk in, holding hands. They shrug off their raincoats and toe off their shoes in favor of the slippers the cafe offers. Hongbin is feeling truly, bitterly inspired from his memory that morning so he approaches them and says:

“Stop looking around and sit.”

The two women look a bit startled, but they nod at him and follow Hongbin to a table for two. Their clothes look slightly damp from the rain, he presumes, and one of them was definitely more prepared than the other, with a thick red scarf that she was now using to cover her shoulders. The other girl presumably ignored the forecast and was wearing a thin t-shirt tucked into high-waisted jeans. Hongbin wondered why she didn’t use the flannel jacket hanging on her arm until he realized it was wet, probably from the rain. He decides not to worry about it.

“Since you interrupted what I was doing, I might as well bring you something. Pick.” Hongbin didn’t need to prepare long to get into character. Mostly he just draws out the ends of his sentences and leans on tables, or looks at customers from under his lashes.

“Oh wow. So this is why you brought me here?” Red Scarf asks Flannel in a whisper. She giggles and looks at the menu, both of them quickly deciding on two different kinds of dessert.

Hongbin hits them with an icy look before walking to the kitchen. “I need a Matcha Swiss Roll and a Mochi set,” he tells Yoongi as he sets the kettle to boil and reaches for a lemon slice. After prepping a tray, Hongbin walks back to his customers while he waits for the bell to signal the order was ready to be brought out. When he drops his full weight down a chair next to Red Scarf, she startles slightly.

“Got a problem?” he asks her, resting his cheek on his knuckles. Normal people react to this level of antagonism with shyness, or match it with their own hostility. Instead, she covers her mouth and giggles. Her companion answers for her.

“Our only problem is how close you’re sitting." Flannel shoots back without missing a beat.

"Wow. You’ll make my heart stop!” Red Scarf warns with the biggest smile.

Hongbin has a gut reaction to her words, a disgusted grimace that’s hard to peel off, which in turn makes them giggle some more.

“I’m getting your food.” He stands to leave even without the bell dinging and affects a shiver of disgust.

“Aw, we scared him away! Come back!” In a way, he is relieved that his natural reactions are making the customers happy and he doesn’t have to act too much.

Hongbin heads to the kitchen, placing the carefully decorated sponges in their tray and adds the tea cups and saucers so he can grab the hot teapot with his free hand. Wrapping a towel around the metal handle, he heads carefully to the table where the two girls sit smiling and clutching each other’s hands. Without a word, Hongbin places the cakes in front of the girls somewhat roughly. The teacups go next, on top of the saucers with the fresh lemon slices. Lastly, he pours the hot water on the cups for them to warm up. He is in the service industry, after all.

“Oh, my. You brought us some hot water?” Red Scarf asks happily, admiring her cup without actually drinking from it.

“No,” Hongbin scoffs, “this is for me.” He stretches his hand as if to take it away from her, but the girl blocks his hand.

“I’ll let you have it if you make a cute face for me.”

“I’m not thirsty,” Hongbin says coolly, looking away. Both girls laugh at that, and Hongbin is actually starting to have a good time. Not that he’d let anybody know, of course.

“You really didn’t have to,” says Flannel, “bring the hot water, I mean.”

Hongbin can’t look at her, so he just grunts vaguely.

“Yeah, your presence is enough to warm us up, really,” Red Scarf adds with a playful smirk. Okay, that was a little over the top. His hands were stiffening up. “Do you think if I wrap him with your flannel shirt, it would get dry? He’s like a little sun. It might burn to a crisp!”

Hongbin involuntarily shudders out a groan and hides his face behind shaking fistfuls of cringe. The girls are not the only ones cracking up. Jungkook and Sanghyuk are snorting behind menus a few tables away, but overall, the girls are having fun and so is Hongbin. Deep, deep, down he's having fun.

They introduce themselves as Amber and Victoria, so Hongbin doesn’t have to differentiate them from their clothing. The silly banter is easing away his crappy morning until he asks about Amber’s soaked flannel shirt as he brings their check. She tells him about their walk to the cafe.

“Yeah, the rain is actually not so bad. It’s just that on our way here a jerk splashed us with his bike.” Amber slaps some cash into the folder and hands it back to him with a sad smile.

Well, that could be anyone. Plenty of people get splashed on rainy days, right?

“I don’t know if it was because you kissed me.” Victoria’s voice is somewhat drowned by the red scarf, as if she doesn’t fully intend for Hongbin to hear.

“Maybe it was an accident, yeah?” Amber tries to reassure Victoria as she rubs gentle circles on her hand, which makes Hongbin realize they are wearing couple rings.

Shit. Hongbin gets flustered suddenly, realizing he’s the jerk. He could see it now. Amber, with her short hair and loose denim pants looked like the good looking dude with flannel from behind. The one who’d been kissing his girlfriend, so they’d obviously been facing each other when he saw them on the street and splashed them. It’s not Hongbin’s fault he didn’t recognize them the second they came in...They don’t seem to recognize him as the asshole who attacked them on the street, so he doesn’t have to apologize, right? He has nothing against lesbian couples, he has something against all couples. He also doesn’t want to scare away the girls as customers. In fact, it’s because he wants them to come back that he brings back their change with a paper bag of freshly made muffins.

“These are… leftovers from yesterday. You can, like, take them—if you want,” Hongbin says without meeting their eyes.

They both thank him with big smiles and head towards the exit.

“He looks kind of familiar doesn’t he?” Victoria whispers to Amber as they change into their shoes. Hongbin leans toward the exit without noticing.

“Yeah, I think we saw him earlier today,” returns Amber conspiratorially. Hongbin holds his breath as she continues. “Wasn’t he on that billboard? How much do you wanna bet he’s like a struggling supermodel,” she finishes with a giggle.

The bell jingles again and Hongbin grunts with frustration as he stomps towards the lockers.

“I am not taking any more customers today,” he throws at his coworkers.

“Are you kidding? You were the picture of tsundere today,” Sanghyuk says with a cackle, nudging Jungkook with his elbow who just laughs harder and shuffles something out of sight.

“I hope those girls come back."

 

They do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK AT HONGBIN’S BITTER HEART MELT! 
> 
> Next week, someone will be paying a surprise visit to the What is Service Cafe, so come back for a chapter full of plot, shenanigans and hilarity. See you Wednesday!


	6. Cupcake Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It begins.

Jimin was excited. Hoseok was complaining and whining next to him about the devastated state of “his” kitchen again (to which Jimin constantly reminded him doesn’t have his name on it in the first place), but _even so,_ Jimin was excited. He was just given a chance to see Taehyung on behalf of Hakyeon's request. Assorted baked goods from their specialty package were to be delivered to the cafe across the street. As soon as Hakyeon finished relaying the last bits of information to him, Jimin was already fishing out the appropriate packaging from their shelves and carefully selecting which of his precious masterpieces would be going into the box. Sure, his boss said it wasn’t a pressing matter, but the prospect of seeing his best friend made him want to prepare it immediately and run out the door, which he did, leaving behind an angry Hoseok who was yelling about the mess he left.

On the way there, box in tow, Jimin realized he had never stepped foot into the opposing cafe. He did notice that Hakyeon glanced over a lot in this direction though. It had never attracted his attention. Until Tae got hired, he hadn’t even noticed it at all.

The building was similar to their cafe in size, but that was about as far as the similarities went. While their shop was brightly colored on the inside, the outside looked pleasantly toned down, like most coffee shops would, in order to fit into the neighborhood. This building had flaking paint and a darkened window. There was no clear sign that it was a shop at all, except for white lettering on the black window that read ‘What is Service Cafe’. Luckily it was only across the street, and his friend worked there so he knew the directions, even the security code of the back door.

“Hello?” Jimin had pushed open the front door, a low buzz signaling his entry.

No one came to greet him.

“Hello?” He tried again. “I’ve got a delivery!”

When he didn’t hear or see anyone, he thought that perhaps he could text Taehyung to say he was here, but that would ruin the surprise of seeing him.

There was a very faint sound of some cheering and a heavy sigh before a very handsome and, oddly familiar looking guy with a name tag that read _Bean_ walked up to the cafe front and leered at him.

“What do you want?”

“E-excuse me??”

The rude greeting caught Jimin by total surprise that he choked a little on the spit at the back of his throat and had to beat his chest repeatedly to clear it from going down the wrong pipe. Bean, rather than being concerned, was instead fixing a judging squint at him and crossing his arms over his chest.

Jimin suddenly remembered his conversation with Taehyung sometime ago, about how the people here were serious and weird. Maybe even mean. Taehyung wasn’t kidding. Jimin wondered how this concept of sorts managed to keep getting customers but then realized he was wasting time. If he wanted to see his best friend and be back before Hoseok ripped his head off, he’d have to finish his task first.

“Uh, hi. I’m looking for…” Jimin patted up and down his body before pulling out a waxy sheet with scribbling on it from his left breast pocket. “Taekwoon? I have a package for him.”

Bean looked down at the box he was holding out and let out an inquisitive hum. “Interesting.”

“That’s funny,” came a nearby voice. Another employee, judging by the uniform, headed out onto the floor. “I could’ve sworn that was a normal sounding name. Oh—” He stopped in his tracks and stared at Jimin with the biggest, roundest eyes he had ever seen. “You’re not Heechul.”

“Huh. And here I was beginning to think that the Golden Boys were finally doing their job the way the boss had always wanted,” Bean said, eyes still fixated on the box.

“Come on. You know Sanghyuk and I better than that. When ordering supplies, we only get them delivered to _the_ _most_ creative of names known to humankind. Ain’t that right?”

“Jungkook is abso _lute_ ly right.” A towering server walked out to meet them, presumably the Sanghyuk they were talking about. “Can’t believe you even doubted us for a second there.”

“Is Taehyung here?” Jimin cut in. His prospects of finding this Taekwoon weren’t getting any better, despite most of the staff coming out, so he might as well see the person he actually wanted to see.

“You’re Taehyung’s best friend—” Hongbin said in realization.

“Yes I—”

“—the half-naked baker.”

“The _what?”_

“Tae!” Jungkook yelled across the floor. “There’s a short guy asking for you!”

“What the hell?? I just met bug-eyes over here and he’s already insulting me!” Jimin and Jungkook started glaring intensely at one another when they were interrupted.

“Chim!” Tae ran out and practically tackled Jimin with such force it was a surprise it didn’t send them both to the ground. “You didn't tell me you were coming today!”

“I wanted to surprise my bestest Taetae! That and because I was told to run the errand of delivery boy today. I’m looking for a Taekwoon.”

“That’ll be the boss. He’s in the back,” Sanghyuk gave a relaxed gesture backwards with his thumb. “Probably over exaggeratedly wallowing after I got back at him for bothering me.”

“What’d he do?” Taehyung asked, still hanging comfortably attached on Jimin’s side like a koala.

“Exist,” Sanghyuk smiled serenely. A chill went through Jimin’s spine at the absence of a _just_ _kidding_ in his comment.

“He deserved it anyway,” Hongbin remarked while inspecting his nails. “We found a secret stash of his nephew’s baby pictures and some of the cat decor he’d demanded we took down in his office. He was embarrassed about it and started chopping our necks.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“The boss’ office is right through here.” Taehyung pulled Jimin through the hallway near the kitchen and knocked enthusiastically on the dark, wooden door. No one answered. He tried a second time, then a third, and lifted his arm again to go for a fourth.

“Uh, Tae,” Jimin reached for his wrist, “I don’t think he’s here.”

At this, Taehyung shushed him then proceeded to continue knocking steadily. Then, the beat morphed into sounding awfully like _Do You Wanna Build A Snowman_ , for what felt like ten whole minutes before the door violently ripped itself open.

“ _What?!”_ Taekwoon glowered. When those sharp eyes landed on him, Taekwoon’s shoulders sank, softened almost automatically, but the sharpness in his eyes didn’t change. Jimin felt himself shrinking anyway from their difference in height. “You’re not one of my insufferable employees… What do you want?”

Apparently Jimin was being mistaken for everyone today.

“I was told to deliver this on behalf of Hakyeon for your birthday, Sir! Baked and decorated by yours truly,” Jimin said proudly as he opened the box to show its contents. Inside, there were nine neatly seated cupcakes. Duckies, chicks, piglets, cows, some sheep, a bunny and a kitty made up a barn scene made from frosting and sprinkles.

“Birthday? It’s the boss’s birthday?” Taehyung gasped, hands tangling themselves in his own hair as if he should have known. “Hyung why didn't you tell me?! I need to plan! I don’t even know any of your favorite things—”

Before Taehyung could get any louder, Taekwoon dragged them both into his office, no doubt afraid to cause a scene. Once inside, Jimin tried to recover himself and the box from being grabbed so suddenly in a rash manner. By his side, Taehyung was still mumbling a million words a minute, his hair getting more and more ruffled as time went by.

“It’s July. My birthday is not today, nor in the near future.”

“Is your name Taekwoon?”

Taekwoon nodded resolutely.

“Well, merry happy unbirthday then. Hakyeon specifically told me to make sure you got it no matter what, and our store doesn’t even _have_ a delivery service. So here.” Jimin no longer waited for him to take the box and plopped it down on his desk before crossing his arms over his chest.

Taekwoon glowered at him and then at the box. For who knows how long, Jimin watched the completely non-verbal exchange Taekwoon was having with his cupcakes. Nothing else was happening other than Taehyung pacing back and forth and making birthday plans out loud. With Taekwoon’s eyes focused somewhere else, it gave Jimin the opportunity to note the sheer difference in his surroundings. It was much brighter in the office than the actual cafe and oh—

“Would you look at that?” Jimin uncrossed his arms looking behind Taekwoon’s head. “That Bean guy wasn’t kidding about the baby pictures and the cats.” Funnily, that cat clock looked like the same one that got lost some weeks ago.

“What.” Taekwoon turned his eyes back to him, their stone cold aura wavering slightly. “I need my little piece of sunshine, okay?”

“GUYS!” Taehyung seemed to have come back to himself and stuck his head out of Taekwoon’s office screaming. “HYUNGIE GOT EVEN OLDER TODAY!”

De-escalation plans be damned, apparently. It seemed like anything threw the atmosphere into chaos these days. Taekwoon’s head fell into his hands. He should really screen their hiring process more thoroughly.

“Is that free food?” Sanghyuk asked, coming into the office and already reaching into the box without any permission. Jungkook slammed into him as the rest of the employees proceeded to congregate in Taekwoon’s teeny office from Taehyung’s outburst.  

“These are so cute. I don’t even know if I want to eat them,” Jungkook said going slightly cross-eyed. He examined and took a whiff of the bunny cupcakes he was holding before chomping down on it in two very large bites, completely devoid of hesitation. “Mmf, just like carrot cake.”

Sanghyuk snickered, singing the _Why the Fuck You Lyin’_ meme around a mouthful of his own cupcake as Taekwoon frowned at the floor. Possibly at the sudden lack of space in his office, or perhaps something else. “As if anything could stop you from eating. That would never work, even if it’s cute.”

“It would never work, even if it’s cute…” Taekwoon echoed under his breath. He mumbled it over and over and _over_. “It would never—” his head snapped up all of a sudden.

“ _HAKYEON!_ ”

No one needed to be told to get out of his office. Taehyung, who seemed to have learned a thing or two about his co-workers, was the first out of the door, dragging Jimin with him. Turning back, Jimin could see that Jungkook and Sanghyuk were unable to escape like the others, with Taekwoon snagging them both by the back of their collars and dragging them back inside before slamming the door shut.

It didn’t look good.

 

* * *

 

 

“I don’t really know what’s going on with your boss,” Jimin said glancing towards the back office on his way out, “but I gotta get back to Hakyeon’s. It’s almost time to open up shop. And judging by your opening hours, so are you.”

“I’m not sure what's up with him either,” Taehyung agreed. ”He’s a little grumpier than usual, even if he _is_ grumpy all the time.” He reached for the hanging sign and flipped its side from closed to open. “I’ll think of something to cheer him up.”

Jimin smiled. It was just like him to do something like that. With a tight hug from Taehyung, he watched his best friend disappear towards the back before leaving. He had just turned to take a couple of steps across the street to his own cafe when he collided into somebody, hard.

“Oh! I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you.” Jimin babbled while he rubbed at his chin, where the pain was concentrated the most. “Here, let me.” He held his hand out to the person currently sprawled on the floor, but the lying figure made no motion to take it. Moments went by and Jimin’s hand stayed outstretched and unmet.

“Uh, mister?” Jimin could hear a lot of grumbling and groaning but saw absolutely no sign that this black square of limbs was going to get up. Walking into him couldn’t have resulted in injury, could it? He went closer to peek  and tipped back the white hat of the unresponsive blob of a person to check for himself. “You good?”

Jimin managed to get a glimpse of mint green hair underneath and the prettiest triangular eyes he'd ever seen in his life. Weirdly enough, those eyes seemed to recognize him somehow, but before he could question it, his arm was grabbed in a vice grip and immediately shoved away.

The clumsy stranger abruptly shifted into a sitting position, ignored Jimin's offer to help him, and got up with a grunt. Despite having looked right at his face, the guy proceeded to look past him like he wasn’t there, then hurriedly waddled away into the cafe Taehyung worked in.

Weird.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _Stay,”_ Taekwoon directed his finger at the two who were now locked in his office. The Golden Boys looked at each other, then back at him and sat down on a couple of seats in the room.

Who did Hakyeon think he _is?_ To deliver this like some sort of jab at not being successful because he didn’t take his _cutesy_ advice. He didn’t need whatever this sad excuse of delivering cupcakes as a reminder for how great Hakyeon’s cafe was doing in comparison to his. On top of that, his cafe’s concept keeps getting compromised with Hakyeon's lackeys coming over repeatedly to redecorate right before they open. What nerve. Taekwoon had his own arsenal of resources, and he was going to fight back. He was not going to back down.

“I need you two to wreak havoc.”

The Golden Boys were troublemakers. Partners in crime. Chronic headache triggers. Taekwoon always ended up scolding them like they were a pair of misbehaving, mischievous twins and he was their father. Despite this, they stared at him with their eyebrows knitted together without speaking for a very long time. Getting impatient, Taekwoon snapped his fingers in front of their faces.

“I’m sorry,” Sanghyuk chuckled and scratched the back of his head, “I thought I heard you say something so uncharacteristically you. Could you repeat that?”

Taekwoon spoke slower. “I need you two… to wreak havoc.”

“Oh.” Jungkook was still looking at him as if he grew a second head. “Yeah, no. We heard him right the first time.” They both stood up simultaneously and walked towards him. “Who are you and what have you done with our boss?”

“Nothing is wrong with me. I just—Jungkook, no—Sanghyuk, stop poking my cheek!” Taekwoon swatted at both their wandering hands. “This will be the one and _only_ time I will condone your terrorizing behavior, so sit back down and listen to me.”

The Golden Boys did as they were told and Taekwoon clasped his hands behind his back, looking somewhere distant to his right. They followed his line of sight and saw nothing there. Talk about dramatic.

“The cafe across the street needs to be put in back in their place,” Taekwoon said. “I don’t care how you do it. I just want you to do it well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL, WELL, WELL! THE PLOT THICKENS! LOOKS LIKE THE LITTLE KAWAII CAFE IS IN FOR SOME TROUBLE! WILL THE GOLDEN BOYS DO THEIR PSEUDO FATHER PROUD? WILL THE AUTHORS REVEAL MORE EMBARRASSING GUILTY PLEASURES OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS? TUNE IN AGAIN NEXT **WEDNESDAY** TO FIND OUT ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF… MAID WARS!
> 
>  
> 
> also. if you are not aware of [flat box yoongi](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/607071224745566887/?lp=true), you're welcome.  
>   
> (ps. we're not updating next week because we're visiting each other! posting shall resume the week after!)


	7. update!

hey friends! we're going to go on a temporary hiatus because maria is moving at the moment. it won't be long though! the plot is already done from start to finish and the next three chapters have all been more or less written. so don't worry! 

if you want recent updates, or just want to see us squeal and world build on this au, be sure to check out our twitter and tumblr! see you all soon :D

**Author's Note:**

> let us hear from you! comments and kudos are appreciated :D
> 
> may's [insta](https://www.instagram.com/angioponder/) & [tumblr](https://angioponder.tumblr.com/)  
> maria's [twt](https://twitter.com/thinking_toes?lang=en)


End file.
